I feel there is ground glass at the pit of my soul. I am afraid of this relationship.I want it to work. Will I survive?Have you’ll? How?I feel so miserable I think I can’t go on.

Flaring up , feminism and all

What disturbs me about this woman in the template is that her pants are flared! I have no individuality I think my taste automatically sucks up to what’s in. All my perfectly usable flared jeans have been thrown away to be replaced with cheap replicas of tight skinny jeans made by some underpaid worker in China.

They are so much sexier than those dhol dhol flares!

And leggings are so cool! A couple of months back I would have just thought they looked slutty and /or silly. But now I totally like the idea of a short denim skirt and leggings underneath. What’s clothes got to do with brains , I wonder? As in the general perception is that smart arty women giving presentations/making polite conversation on gender issues or the south asian economic crisis are supposed to wear a loose mucus green fab india kurta and intellectual silver jewellery. I think I am going to wear something ‘silly’ the next time I have to do anything of that sort.

I for the first time had the balls to chicken out of partying and am instead sitting in my room on Friday night. The whole of last sem , I waited each day thinking 58 days for boy to come, 37, 3, 12 hours etc but sense tells me now that life is in the here and the now .

Suddenly I don’t know anything- I have nothing to look forward to, no plans after graduation, no interest as yet in the ‘nice’ jobs that graduates from my college get-jobs that I have dreamt of having since I was 14 and one fourth.

I got thrown out of classes that I planned to take four years ago just because i bunked a few spending time with boy. So ya one cannot never predict what at the heat of the moment you end up priorotizing and choosing.

hah!

I am having fun with my work . I interviewed the BJP president- who said christians will cause the next partition and no Hindu is violent. This is on my story about forced christian conversions in the city

Work is interesting and I am meeting myself after long.

WHen i dropped boy off at the airport I didn’t know when and in my head if I’ll ever see him again. It’s a scary feeling that. We both don’t have money to make weekend /two monthly intercontinental trips

Which is why I am dating the idea of an empowered woman i think.