Shiny New Laptop

I guess at a point after growing up you just begin to think of childhood as that slightly cute phase when you pretty much had no freedom and hence no excitement. I was just reading a very well written blog – woman just writing very well about average middIle class indian childhood memories. And suddenly and especially in the sudden context of all the terrible complications my life involves today i felt sudden tear inducing warmth for childhood.
Wow! I am in a class about some hot shot or suppossedly hot shot guy from the planning commission or some such is taking it.

Anyway , If you guys have ever gotten stoned and had a really good trip you might remember getting flashes of images from when you are really young. I always have a sort of a slideshow of memories from between 3 – 6. Times when I was really happy, with my parents and brother getting excited about a plastic doll and being excited about it for like three months .Converting a dupatta into a saree and playing teacher teacher with myself. When I was five, I was scared of locking myself in a room alone . But I was embarrased about my parents hearing my teacher teacher sessions. Even though they could hear it even if I shut the door.
Anyhow SO, i would make my nearly but not really deaf grandfather sit with me in the room.
When he died seven years back I was in boarding school and my parents didn’t even tell me till a week after. Which means I never saw him dead and lifestyle. I only remembered him as the lively man he was.

I remember being traumatized because my older brother Gog always said that the world will end in July 1999. That a man called Nostradamus said so and it was true. He has another version of the story which said it will end in 2000. This upset me to unhealthy propotions. Once I overheard an uncle say that he will see God by 2000. This seems absolutely hilarious to my present jaded, ‘rational’ , post modern mind but then it seemed to confirm everything. The world will end by 2000 so God must be seen before that.
Getting back to my adult culture, getting stoned is suppossed to activate the happy parts of your brain. Mostly the memories that come to me then are random child hood memories , the ones that were deeply submerged before. So it brings me to think that you are only truly trly happy when you are a kid,

Your parents take care of every damn thing and you don’t even have things like exams to worry about.

Yesterday I got a new shiny laptop but I wasn’t even really excited by it. I just went picked it up. And my old laptop was so loyal to me . She has all my writing and my pictures and is old and mishandlable. The other laptop is too fragile and bitchy like a mistress.
i think it is because i went home fordiwali but I am suddenly feeling the alien feeling of homesickness.